Wisdom in Relationships

5 Minutes Read

Here is my third blog in a series of three about health, wealth and relationships.

 You can read the first one about health matters here, and the second one about money and wealth here.

There are two reasons for writing this blog:

  1. To share my thoughts on how I began to understand the meaning of relationship in all its complexity and learned to manage it well.
  2. To share my insights that may resonate with you.

The conception of a relationship

We begin a link in our mother’s womb, and it gets wider on a social scale over the years.

It would be difficult to live in complete isolation without any relationships. Few choose to live completely alone with no connection to any other humans.

My focus is on how our existing relationships affect us. Research shows relationship problems may also be sabotaging other areas of your life, for example, your career, physical and mental health, fitness, hobbies, and social life. Quality relationships help us to be happier, healthier and live longer whereas living amid high-conflict relationships is very bad for our health.

So, taking care of our relationships is essential for our health and happiness.

When someone is not in your heart, they are on your nerves.

A relationship scenario

I had a beautiful relationship with all my family members. As a family, we were loving, healthy, and well bonded. However, through a lack of self-awareness, external issues slowly and insidiously crept in disguised as family problems.

You have heard clichés such as ‘That’s life‘, ‘We all have our ups and downs’. These remarks often masked those issues which were then were brushed off under the carpet or tolerated and sometimes confronted which often resulted in stress and frustrations. However, we always made reconciliations and life continued.

Slowly though, unknown to us, invisible cracks were forming, but not enough to rock the boat to the extent that it would topple us. Drifting on this boat into the ocean of relationship heading into a blurred shoreline, purpose, or fulfilment and eventually, the boat did cave in. Rather, in real words – it crashed and wrecked! The impact of damage was felt across on all members in that boat. I felt a failure.


A lesson learned


Looking back, it took me on a journey of understanding the meaning of the word relationship. This relationship has the potential for smooth sailing, managing the infrequent high waves and storms or to be wrecked.

Here the crew did not work together as well as they could have.

The captain carries an incredible responsibility.
As the captain, it was a life-changing lesson learned. You may resonate with me here…

Diversity in a relationship

One. The closest person to you

It could be your spouse, a partner or a girl/boyfriend. This relationship needs to be most the understood, nurtured and invested into. Imagine, it is like a beautifully landscaped garden when it begins it is beautiful and manicured but requires the responsibility of both gardeners cultivating the garden in all weathers to sustain it. Beware of unwanted insidious, seeds and weeds that can grow. You don’t see the deep roots when they are underground, until tender shoots, sprout and proliferate, overshadowing other beautiful plants and flowers. Ignoring them could be dangerous for the garden and they will potentially turn the garden into a shabby wasteland.

The most important relationship is with the closest person to you.

children 1920

Two. Children and family members

Your children and close family members are equally valuable. Those relationships should be nurtured and cared for with a good proportion of your time. They provide emotional and practical support. Parenting is an art that you need to master.

Three. Friends, colleagues, and society

Your friends, colleagues, and community can influence your life. In a similar fashion, you will impact the lives of others with your behaviours. Having an understanding of relationships is critical and will undoubtedly make a difference in your life. We all need to take note of our past mistakes, so we do not repeat them but learn from them. There are many different kinds of relationships: family, friends, classmates, teachers, managers, and colleagues at work. The bottom line. is that wisdom in relationships is not optional. An excellent way of gaining awareness, besides reading books or watching videos, is to reflect and gain a deeper understanding and then also put it into action.

When you are focused on your partner's good qualities and show them the same kindness, warmth, respect, and generosity of spirit that you would your best friend, your relationship has the most excellent chance of not just surviving but thriving into its later years.

To sustain a healthy relationship, it requires some of these critical ingredients

  1. Examine your motives when entering into relationships.
  2. Clarify your expectations.
  3. Are you able to meet those expectations or do you need to compromise?
  4. Be transparent and honest in your communication.
  5. Build trust by being truthful.
  6. Do not ignore or sweep issues under the carpet.
  7. Be gentle and kind whilst equally challenge and ask questions with sensitivity when necessary.
  8. Do not take the relationship for granted, instead encourage, care and support.
  9. Spend quality time and prioritise what is essential.
  10. Seek competent counsel when things get difficult.
  11. Give time and space for the relationship to flourish.
  12. Endeavour to enjoy each day in your relationships.

How Different People Think?
The pessimist complains about the wind.
The optimist expects the wind to change.
The realist adjusts his sails!


Final thoughts

If you are thinking of starting a new relationship or beginning to experience challenges with a current one and would like to repair it before it’s too late, then why not have a chat and see how if I can help you?

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5 responses

  1. Hi David! You are an old friend! Nice to see you mature in age and in spirit!

  2. Great Blog! You have explained really well with simple analogies, which gives us a good for thought before one jumps into a relationship. I have always believed this in relationship. Each party puts in 100% into the relationship then there is no doubts of one’s lack in making the effort to be an effective partner in the team. 😊 Secondly, one should not try to change the other. As they are who they are, and if we don’t love who they are, then we should not be in that real relationship at all! But just an acquaintance. Trying to change one another is where the boat starts to shake and ruffling the feathers, which leads to a stressful and strenuous relationship. Eventually, a demise of it. 😊

    1. Thank you Nivesh, I have read your comment and you too have made some great points. For example trying to change one another is where the boat starts to shake and ruffling the feathers, which leads to a stressful and strenuous relationship.

      1. Thank you!!! 😊 After 28 years of marriage and soon to be 29. I learned I could not change my wife’s thought process and she couldn’t mine. We had to come to conclusion ( more so me than her) we need to just let one another live our life as individuals, but together. 😊 And for few years now we have got along way better, than before, as far as having arguments! 😜 Lol!!! Relationship is a “ team effort’..😊